how i function how i feel

                                                                   How I Feel

                                                                   How I Function

 

Freedom, How do You explain it? Is Freedom like being a bird soaring in the sky high above? An eagle perhaps?

Safety, What does it mean to feel Safe, truly safe? Is it a soft blanket and a lullaby to dull the sounds of a roaring storm?

I wish i could truly know both but it seems I am more a Broken Machine rather than a Person that thinks and feels.

I suppose it is more difficult knowing that my physical scars are more self induced than my mental ones.

I find it unusual how My physical scars don't affect me as much as my mental ones, How do I function when I have lost the manual?

Will the ghost of my  stolen innocence ever really go away?

Will the memories ever come to mind so that I may finally lay this hidden truama to rest?

Or will the ghost in my mind be there for the rest of my existance?

Will the whispers of not being good enough and not being wanted ever go away?

I know I am loved and that I am very much wanted, but it seems the voice of doubt overpowers the voice of reason sometimes.

I know little of comfort when I can barely understand the real world around me, Sure I am clever but what use is my intelligence if I cannot truly use it in a contructive way, other than perhaps writing something that may never be read by anothers' eyes?

Can i truly be lost if I was never found?

Can i truly be drowning when I have never learnt to take a breath?

Can I truly be hurt when I cannot recall never not being?

Can i truly connect when I am like a broken circuit?

What is the point of writing this? 

What is the point of anything and everything?

There will always be things we do not know, our innoncence will never be as pure as white snow, so perhaps it is time to let the notion go.

The notion that we are ever going to be perfect or enlightened. 

The fact that we complain over the small things and take no notice of the big things.

For Our sake I perhaps wish for war, but not because life is a bore, but because that sometimes lessons need to be learnt the hard way.

Who is to say right and wrong, why not just join together to sing a song?

In the end we are all family why can we not just surivie happily?